Donald Trump’s Cabinet

Donald Trump’s Cabinet

Featured, News  /  August 2, 2015

Donald Trump, who continues to defy all the laws of nature by leading the clown car full of Republican presidential candidates, recently said that if elected, he would “love” to have Sarah Palin in his Cabinet.
Now in a sane universe that alone should scare the bejesus out of anyone thinking about voting for the former Apprentice star.   But the sanity train stopped running years ago and now this is the only ticket out of town.

So in anticipation of the coming armageddon Trump presidency, we decided to help the Donald out even further by recommending additional *cough* qualified candidates to fill out his Cabinet.

AMY SCHUMER – SECRETARY of DEFENSE

Why Trump should pick her:  She loves to talk about Mexicans just like Trump.    When hostile foreign leaders like Putin and Kim Jong-Un try to talk shit and heckle us, who better to put them in their place than a top comedian?  She’s also not afraid to drop F-bombs all over the place, so switching to ones with nuclear warheads instead shouldn’t be too much of a change.

OPRAH – SECRETARY of STATE

Getty Images

Why Trump should pick her: The main job of the Secretary of State is to achieve diplomacy with other nations.  As we’ve seen with the Iran nuclear deal, that requires a lot of talking.    So it only makes sense to put someone in that role who has made billions by doing just that – talking.  And just in case all that talking doesn’t work, she can always resort to giving away cars to the entire U.N. Security Council to prevent the outbreak of war.

50 CENT – SECRETARY of the TREASURY

Why Trump should pick him:  How can he not pick someone who literally has money as his professional name?  Sure, he’s “bankrupt”.  But according to Trump, so is the rest of the country so he’ll fit right in.  And what better way to cover the legal fees in the $5 million law suit against him then by literally having the ability to print up the cash.

JUDGE JUDY – ATTORNEY GENERAL

Why Trump should pick her:   The Attorney General needs to be someone that understands the law and won’t put up with bullshit in order to seek justice.  With quotes from the bench like “Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining” and “…I eat morons like you for breakfast. You’re gonna be crying before this is over” evildoers don’t stand a chance.   She’ll just have to run daily televised press conferences at 4:00pm so all the seniors don’t rebel against Trump for taking Judge Judy off the air. 

KIM KARDASHIAN – SECRETARY of LABOR

ABC

Why Trump should pick her:  We need a Secretary of Labor that truly understands the plight of workers in this country.  Someone who has worked hard all his/her life and understands first hand the struggles everyday people face against their big corporate employers.  Someone young people just entering to workforce can look up to and say, “See.  If you work hard and find the right person to leak a sex tape with, you can make it in America!”

SARAH PALIN – SECRETARY of EDUCATION

AP

Why Trump should pick her:  Since its inception in 1979, Republicans have long called for the elimination of the Department of Education. After all, educating our kids will only lead to them being able to think for themselves, which could have the disastrous, Apocalyptic effect of turning them into, dare I say, Democratic voters.
Ronald Reagan couldn’t do it.  Neither could either of the Bushes.   That’s because they took the wrong approach.
See, if you want the public to think that a major federal department that is responsible for providing money to improve public schools and financial aid to college students is useless, then you need to have someone run it that is themself the definition of useless.
And that’s why there’s no better choice than Sarah Palin.
Now I could go on and on about why she’s so qualified, but as they say, a meme is worth a thousand insults.

  
  
Yep.   Sarah Palin in Trump’s Cabinet?  You betcha!